This Is The Good Life
by FatPatrick12345
Summary: Olimar and Louie were just doing fine... YEA RIGHT! A story about how much Olimar hates Louie... very funny, KirbyXtreme approves! PLEASE R&R! Oh, and if you can't take the swearing... read it anyways.
1. Chapter 1

**This is The Good Life **

by FatPatrick12345

edited by KirbyXtreme

**Ch.1- Communications gone bye-bye**

"Help me out!", cried Olimar.

"Shut up you fagit!", replied Louie.

"You know I'm the master here so help me out!"

"Fuck you! "

Louie was just sitting down on a bunch of red Pikmin made to look like a chair. Olimar finally got sucked into the Jellyfloat and started yelling. Louie got bored and started throwing the reds at the Jellyfloat.

"One Pikmin started pooing, two Pikmin started pooing, three Pikmin started pooing..." Louie said as he threw Pikmin. Most of the Pikmin hit nowhere but luckily some hit the enemy and it died. Olimar was HELLA mad, his face was all RED... His red light on top of his helmet started turning black and his helmet started exploding. Olimar fainted by the horrible oxygen so the reds started bringing him back into his ship... Louie was snoring inside the jellyfloats dead body. A weird bug started going towards him, the bug looked like a bee, except smaller. It went into Louie's pink nose and started TOUCHING it... Louie got a frying pan and smacked the bee away... Suddenly a really big shadow went on Louie and Louie felt cooler... When Louie looked what was making the shadow he fainted... It was the small bee, but know FEROCIOUS and ENORMOUS. So the reds started coming back and they threw themselves at the big _THING..._ Louie started coming back into the REAL world,andOlimar chose to end the day...

Louie drank some 'Grammie The Hammie' (some kind of coke) and felt really better. He passed some to a red Pikmin the Pikmin turned brown, yellow, blue, orange and all the other colors... but didn't finish back to red! The Pikmin was yellow! Louie started saying "Good boy" to the yellow Pikmin...

When Louie finally did all the math up he understood! The age of the Pikmin drinking 'Grammie The Hammie' determines the color of the number of the age of the pikmin ever discovered? For example: if the Pikmin drinking the 'Grammie The Hammie' has the age of 2, it becomes the color of the 2nd Pikmin ever discovered!

He was so proud of himself! He went screaming to Olimar... Finally when Olimar understood and said,

"Interesting..."

Louie was holding out his hands ready for a present.

"What are you looking at?", said Olimar

"Huh?", replied Louie, "What about my present?"

"No present for you bitch, now turn around you fat dick."

Louie turned around whimpering... Olimar said,

"Oh wow... I can see your butt crack..."

LATER...

Olimar was trying the 'Grammie the Hammie' on other Pikmin. They got red for a one year old, yellow for a two, blue for a three, purple for a four and a white for a five. They ran out of 'Grammie The Hammie' and didn't have anything else to drink.

Louie said to order more packs from planet Hocotate so they started taking out their laptop. Olimar's laptop had no battery so they had to use Louie's. Olimar had never seen Louie's comp, so he was anxious. Olimar went to the bathroom. He was walking and saw a white Pikmin chewing their phone. Olimar thought, 'What the fuck?'. Louie didn't know what to do so he just started playing some games on his laptop... When Olimar came back he asked,

"Well... did you order?"

Louie didn't respond.

"Louie?", said Olimar. He went next to Louie and found him playing a game from a website.

"Oh man you made lose...", Louie said, "You fucking jackass, and why did you step on the thing that lets us have wireless internet? Oh... hell no... You broke it..."

"Oh shit.", said Olimar

"Now we don't have internet connection, you fat bitch..."

"Well, if we cant order with our comp lets just order by phone", Olimar said. 'Oh no', Olimar thought, 'I shouldn't have said that...'. Louie walked to the phone and just looked at it. It was purple... Louie sniffed it and said

"Oh fuck."

It was all poison from the little white Pikmin that Olimar saw before while going to the bathroom. The phone didn't work, they didn't have 'Grammie The Hammie' and they had no internet connection... Louie was playing with little toy cars and a hammer squishing the cars... Olimar thought... and finally he knew what to do!

"If we cant connect to Hocotate or talk by phone... We might as well go there!"

"Oh fuck no!", replied Louie, "Everybody hates me there..."

Olimar didn't care, he walked to the ships engine and tried turning it on. The switch wouldn't move. Olimar cried for help... And Louie came to the rescue!

"Here here... Let the master do it..."

Louie tried and he tried and he tried... He was getting mad now... But still trying the same thing...

"Okay this is harder than I thought... A man needs to do this!"

Louie ran to the bathroom, and a few seconds later he came back wearing winter clothes and holding the same hammer he was playing with before... He walked to the engine saying nothing. He held back the hammer and said,

"I'll try hitting the switch so please silence..."

He released all his force but had his eyes closed, so he missed. He hit the fuel tank and made a BIG hole. Fuel started falling out... Louie just stood there doing nothing... Olimar was trying to find tape but he was too late... All the fuel fell into the ground and got absorbed by the bread that Louie was eating five months ago... Louie threw the bread away. Olimar repaired the hole that louie made and said something...

"Great _MASTER..._ you are just a fucker..."

"What do we do now?", asked Louie. They just sat there...

"I know!" screamed Louie.

"No please Louie, no more..."

"But this one's good!"

"NO!"

"Okay, geez.."

"I got it!", said Olimar.

"What is it?", whimpered Louie.

"Where's the other fuel we brought from home?", asked Olimar.

"What?", replied Louie.

"You know, the one in the big green bottle..."

"Uh oh... You know when we ran out of Grammie The Hammie?"

"Yeah..."

"Well I thought that any liquid was okay so i tried that... and then the Pikmin died but I didn't tell you."

"And You gave it ALL?", said Olimar.

"No... But since it didn't work I threw it away..."

Olimar went to bed, thinking... 'Great... I have to work with this bitch... This guy is just pure crap... I can't believe it... No internet connection, no phone, no Grammie the Hammie, ship doesn't work and I have to work with a bitch... Although I squished the internet thing... How could my life be worse?' Olimar's bed broke in half. Olimar screamed,

"I THOUGHT MY LIFE COULDN'T BE WORSE! Damn... Fuck no!"

Louie came in Olimar's room.

"What's wrong?"

Olimar waited a few seconds before saying something.

"... Can't you see?"

Louie went in his room and started laughing like heck. He came back. He stayed standing there looking at Olimar's face... Olimar looked so pissed off...

THE NEXT DAY

"What do we do now?", asked Louie.

"Shut up you fag.", replied Olimar. He went to the bathroom... Olimar locked himself in the bathroom making a plan to kill Louie...

"Hahahahahaha!", screamed Olimar "HAHAHAHAH!" He thought... 'I'm gonna kill him! And it's gonna be fun! Oh oh oh hoh ho! I should throw a knife at him while eating or... ohohoohhooh I know! Ohh ohhho hoh! I shall throw a white Pikmin at him or put venom in his coffee!'. He came back out and he chose to do it tomorrow...

A sound came... It sounded like a cellphone ringing. It was pretty close...

"Hear that?", asked Olimar.

"Shut up, I'm trying to find my cellphone!", replied Louie.

"CELLPHONE?", exclaimed Olimar, "Here here! Don't pick up! Give me the cellphone!"

Louie was already talking at the phone...

"Yeah?", Louie said, "Uhuh... of course... He's right here next to me... Okay, bye."

Louie passed the phone to Olimar.

"It's Your wife... She wants to talk to you."

"What?" replied Olimar...

INSIDE THE CELLPHONE!

"Hello?", said Olimar.

"Hi, this is Pumpkin."

"Hi honey!"

"Listen..."

"Okay."

"Remember when Louie came in our house the day before you went to that planet?"

"Uhuh..."

"First: he scared our children. Second: he destroyed our TV. Third: he made a hole in our kitchen. Fourth: he flooded our bathroom. Fifth: he squished all the toys of our children with his hammer. Sixth: he was screaming and now all of our neighbors hate us... And there are like 50 more things he did that day and I am still paying for all the repairs and stuff... While you and him are just having fun there..."

"No, listen, I'm planning to kill him because he's doing all kinds of stuff here too so..."

"No more excuses young man! Louie's pretty cute though."

"But-"

"No BUTS you fag!"

"Honey?"

"Shut up dammit!"

"What? Honey?"

"I wanna get a divorce."

"What?"

"You heard!"

"But it wasn't me!"

"Shut up!"

"But-"

"(beep beep beep beep)"

'She hung up.', Olimar thought, 'I HATE LOUIE! Of course I'm gonna kill him... Just look at that innocent face... Pink nose, ping-pong ball sized eyes... What a triple fat fatty with a double chin... So STUPID!' Olimar was really mad... He gently gave the cellphone back to Louie. Olimar pretended that nothing happened and said,

"Why didn't you tell me that you had a cellphone? We could call Hocotate with that!"

"I don't wanna call Hocotate with a CELLPHONE! I would pay too much! 5,000 pokos a second!", replied Louie.

"But then we can order Grammie The Hammie and some fuel and some battery and the internet thingy! And all other stuff!"

"With what money?", asked Louie.

"I'll pay!", said Olimar.

"Hmmmm... NO!", replied Louie.

"Come on..."

"I bought the cellphone!"

"Just give me it..."

Olimar grabbed half of the cellphone and started pulling. But Louie pulled back. The phone broke in half.

"Great.", said Olimar, "Now the cellphone's gone."

"Nooooooo! Waaaaaah! Why did you have to die! Why! Nicky... Why did you have to die? You know you owe me Olimar!", Louie cried.

"I don't owe you a centi-poko! I'm still paying for all the stuff you did to our house and my _children_ and my _wife_.", Olimar replied.

"I'm telling the police wen we get back...", said Louie.

"When is that?", Olimar said.

"You bitch! You killed Nicky...", Louie cried... Olimar laughed but was also sad because of the divorce and mad at Louie. Olimar thought, 'Why? It's all Louie's fault... Now I don't even have a wife... But I killed _NICKY, _Louie's cellphone!MWUAHAHA! What next?'

**End of chapter 1**

_Author's note: sorry for the swearing if you guys aren't used to it... please **R&R! **_


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch.2- MEAT the Hammer**

Olimar and Louie woke up by a loud sound. It came from outside. It was a pink ship and Olimar recognized once he saw it... Olimar's ex-wife and his 2 ex-children came out. Olimar was happy but he didn't know why they came.

"Hi.", said Olimar.

"Not coming here for you jackass.", Pumpkin replied. Olimar was sad.

"Can I talk to Louie in private please?", Pumpkin asked.

"Yes he's still eating breakfast, make yourself at home.", Olimar said.

"No need fucker.", cussed Pumpkin. The children were playing outside with a ball. Olimar asked if he could play and the children replied,

"Fuck you hobo!"

Olimar was desperate... sad... MAD AT LOUIE...

Louie and Pumpkin came back out. They were HOLDING HANDS! Olimar didn't understand...

"I have an announcement to make... me and Louie are getting MARRIED!", screamed Pumpkin. A girl came out of her ship screaming and jumping around.

"Who's that?" asked Louie.

"Thats my waiter, her names Poppy, but now I don't need you Poppy, I have a man!", Pumpkin replied. Poppy fell to the ground. Olimar went to the rescue. He picked her up.

"Are you okay?", Olimar said. She didn't respond for a while. Olimar was looking at her face... And he fell in love.

"Thank you uhmm?"

"The name's Olimar.", Olimar interrupted.

"Okay, thank you.", she replied. Poppy sorta liked Olimar. And they somehow both knew that both of them liked each other.

"Lets have a party!", Pumpkin said. "I'll be right back."

She ran to the ship. She was carrying out drinks and food and a pack full of CDs to listen to. Everyone went inside Olimar's ship and put the music on and started dancing. Olimar put some bottles of some Grammie The Hammie on a separate table and put a sign on that said -PLEASE DO NOT DRINK-. Louie was jumping around with his triple fat belly and got out of control he was bouncing off the whole entire ship having fun... But accidently he bounced on all the bottles of Grammie The Hammie and broke them. Those were the only ones left because everybody had already drank all the other Grammie The Hammie. Olimar was mad about the liquid but also happy because of Poppy.

"LOUIE?", Olimar said.

"Sorry...", replied Louie. He went to play with his hammer and toy cars. There were 3 cars on the floor. He squished the first one... And the second one... For the third one he was planning to hit the car and make a hole in the ship! He was holding back the hammer but accidently while he was doing that the hammer slipped out of his hands and guess what? The hammer was quickly flying and heading towards Olimar and Poppy. The hammer hit Poppy's head. She fell to the ground. Louie was coming to the rescue!

"Louie!", Olimar said. Louie was doing the mouth-to-mouth respiration thingy. Olimar was sad. Louie's face turned green. Olimar didn't know what was happening. Louie threw up inside Poppy's mouth. Louie stopped doing the mouth to mouth thingy and said,

"OOPS!"

Olimar looked inside Poppy's mouth... There was green stuff all over it! Olimar put his hand out on her chest looking for a sign of life. Nothing... Louie killed her with his barf... Louie didn't mind. Olimar carried Poppy out side. He just stood there with his eyes closed... Tears were falling... His life was what could happen to no one... He didn't care about the Grammie The Hammie a lot but he cared about Poppy and he was thinking that he had gotten a divorce and then LOUIE got his ex-wife and married her and then he killed Poppy and the liquid... Phone, internet, cellphone, bed... All gone... Olimar put Poppy down. He started digging a hole to put in Poppy...

Louie was just boogying with Pumpkin and the children were just sleeping... No one cared about Olimar... Olimar thought, 'He's gonna die... Yes he is!'.

It was night. Olimar chose to go to his half bed... Lied there... Doing nothing... His radio fell from on top of his other bed and exploded making all his room filled with smoke and having black walls...

"I'm not saying anything... This time..."

And he fell asleep.

THE NEXT DAY

When Olimar woke up he saw Louie already making dinner since what he was planning to make took a long time. He just got out some meat out of the fridge. The meat was one whole thing, really hard. So he decided to hammer it. He was looking for his hammer but couldn't find it.

Olimar chose to watch some TV. He sat on the couch and rested one of his arms on the kitchen table where the meat was, but not on top of the meat. There were squished cars on the floor.

Meanwhile, Louie found his hammer and started kissing it. He was really happy. Louie started hammering the meat... He did the left, center, and now was heading for the right, close to where Olimar's hand was. Louie was picking his nose so he just kept on going right with his hammer... He just got a booger out when he heard a scream. Louie thought, closing his eyes... He thought it was the booger that screamed... He thought, 'Sorry, my booger majesty, but you are just too delicious...'. When Louie opened his eyes he saw a face, a really angry face, more like furious... Olimar's...

"Why did you squish my finger, you bitch!"

"Sorry...", replied Louie, "I wasn't looking..."

"Crazy bitch..."

Olimar sat back down on the sofa, with his arms where they were before, exactly how he was sitting before. Louie took out a long japanese knife made to cut wood.

_A message from the author: I think you know where this is getting!_

Louie decided to do as he did before... He was starting from the left.. 'Let's start with the boogers...', Louie thought. He got one out of his nose and put it on a plate for later. 'I'm gonna get out a few more and then boil them up all together!' He got out more... And one just for now... He took it out... Opened his eyes... With his hand ready to drop it on his tongue... He saw red liquid flying all places and some of this red liquid went on his tongue. He thought it was just some liquid from the booger so he just tasted that.

"Hmmm... Kinda tastes like chicken!"

... Next thing he knew was that he was flying away by Olimar's punch.

"You bitch! You cut off my finger!", Olimar screamed.

"Uh oh..."

Louie quickly got up and ran outside the ship with Olimar closely following him... Louie was slow and tired already. Olimar jumped and got hold of Louie's feet. This made Louie trip.

"Sorry SORRY! I promise I wont do it again! Please! And I'll... umm... Oh yeah! I'll do whatever you tell me to do for one day starting tomorrow!"

"DEAL!", and they went back into the ship. Louie started cleaning the ship. Then he thought something. He said it...

"Hey, it's not tomorrow yet, so why am I cleaning the ship?"

Olimar kicked Louie.

LATER...

It was almost 8 P.M. now and Louie had just finished to put his boiled boogers plate on the dinner table. Louie sat down and called Olimar.

"Dinner's ready!"

"Thanks for waking me up, I was sleeping so when the clock hits midnight I'll wake you up and start giving you orders...", Olimar replied.

Louie said nothing. He was just satisfied for his boogers. Olimar was HELLA hungry and was opening his mouth every half second to put food in it. Louie decided to start with his boogers... He got one with his fork. And ate it... He was happy. He ate another one... Happier! Louie put 2 boogers ON the fork (not through the little thingies) and raised his hand at a high speed! The boogers slipped off the fork and were heading for Olimar's mouth. Olimar still really hungry and eating very fast... The buggers flew in his mouth. Olimar fell to the ground, coughing. When he got back up Louie wasn't there... He was locked up in his room! Olimar got his machine gun and went straight for Louie's room. Louie saw the machine gun through his hole in the door. He was scared.

"TWO DAYS!"

"DEAL!", Olimar said. And hid his machine gun again...

Louie went to bed, but Olimar was not sleepy... He was just waiting for midnight...

Olimar was doing nothing. sitting, looking at his finger, and sitiing in front of a clock. it was 11:15 and he chose to watch some tv.

_Authors note: sorry for the short chapter but I'm doing two days for each chapter so...yeah... please **R&R!**_


End file.
